I did not want to believe I’d been abused.
The church I’d been a part of had been compelling and life changing. So many people had come to Christ, so many people were using their gifts, so many pages from the book of Acts felt like they were coming to life before my eyes. It felt like the church I’d dreamed of my whole life.
But beneath the surface of this dazzling move of God, something just wasn’t right.
We were working as hard as we knew how to accomplish the WORK of Jesus, but we were gradually drifting further and further from the WAYS of Jesus.
Only Jesus should have been at the center, but over time an inappropriate orbit developed around the pastor, his preferences, and his proclivities.
Where the fruit of the Spirit (like gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control) should have been on glorious display, a culture of shame, belittling, control, intimidation, and self-indulgence grew unchecked.
The pastor, who was seen as “exceptional” - exceptionally anointed, exceptionally gifted, and exceptionally discerning - was treated as the exception. The rules were for other people; his life was more difficult than anyone else’s. He crossed both lines of dignity and respect, and his actions were excused because of the weight of his mantle of leadership.
And instead of being treated as priceless treasures, the vulnerable were at times manipulated, played, and used, and their faith abused.
This is not the way of Jesus.
Jesus never used His power for selfish gain. He never powered up or leveraged His position to satisfy or gratify His own desires. He never used His followers to better his own life or situation or station.
NEVER.
Instead, Jesus used His power to lift the broken, welcome the outsider, and heal the wounded. He used His power to bless, to uplift, to protect, to flip any table that stood between the desperate and their God.
Pastors are called to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, our Good Shepherd—caring for, protecting, even laying their lives down for the sheep. Anytime a pastor or leader, instead, uses their position of spiritual authority to manipulate, intimidate, or control those under their care, this is called spiritual abuse.
Anytime a pastor or leader uses their position of spiritual authority to manipulate, intimidate, or control those under their care, this is called spiritual abuse.
Those in helping professions—doctors, counselors, and pastors—are given a sense of unearned trust: we trust them because of the position they hold, not because of our personal experience with them. We believe that they will use their positional power to bring help and healing. When they use it for their own purposes or to harm, this is an abuse of power.
This should never be so.
When those who represent God act in a way that is outside the character of God, the wounds inflicted are severe. And when the people we should be able to turn to for spiritual support are themselves the very source of the abuse, we can find ourselves blocked from the very help we need most.
If you have experienced manipulation, intimidation, or shaming by a pastor or spiritual leader, it’s worth looking at scripture and considering this question: Is this how Jesus would treat me?
Is this how Jesus would treat me?
If not, it’s possible that you have experienced some form of spiritual abuse. Of course, all leaders make mistakes and we all sin, but those marked by humility will own, grieve, and repent of such behavior. However, when these actions become an unaddressed pattern, spiritual abuse may be at play. And while that sounds heavy—and no one wants to even think that their pastor could do something like that, acknowledging this painful possibility is the first step toward healing from those wounds.
It can be a lot to take in. The words “spiritual” and “abuse” should never be put together in the same sentence. But as you consider this painful reality, remember this: when our Savior came to this earth, He gave up all of His divine privileges and took the humble position of a servant. And He treated those He encountered with kindness. Dignity. Value. Respect.
THAT is the God we follow: the lifter of the lowly, the companion of the outcast, the protector of the weak. And though people may fail us—even fail us in His name—Jesus never will.