After coming to Christ at a young age alone in my room reading the gospels, I was fortunate to have been discipled as part of a college ministry. Through this experience, I learned how to study scripture and seek the counsel of the Holy Spirit to guide my decision-making process. Realizing that the Creator of the Universe wanted to have a relationship with me and cared about my everyday decisions was life-changing. But maintaining a close relationship with God took intentionality and time.
In my early thirties, I found myself on the leadership team of a church plant that was thriving under a dynamic and charismatic leader. I was also a new father trying to grow my career, so there was a seemingly endless demand for my energy and attention. There were so many new people coming to our church, so many God-honoring tasks to be done, and so little time. My discipline in maintaining my relationship with God waned. Looking back, I now realize I had replaced hearing from the Spirit for myself with listening to my leader for direction in ministry, career, and family life.
Looking back, I now realize I had replaced hearing from the Spirit for myself with listening to my leader for direction in ministry, career, and family life.
This happened to the Israelites, as well. Although God had shepherded them out of Egypt and into the promised land, they wanted a king like their neighbors to fight for them directly instead of having to depend on a God they had to seek in prayer. In 1 Samuel 8:18, God warns, “When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.” And yet they still demanded a king. As we continue to read, we see the disaster kings became for the people of Israel. But like the Israelites, I found myself wanting a strong leader to guide me and to tell me what to do, so I could be successful in the world’s eyes. In my spirit, I was demanding a king.
Ten years later, I had the “king” I desired, but much like the people of Israel, life had become a disaster for me. In the early days of the church plant, our leader’s decisions seemed to be mostly godly. Occasionally, I would have checks in my spirit, but I wrote those off to personality differences. Over the years, he brought in new, innovative leadership methods from the corporate world to maximize growth and reach. The checks in my spirit which started out as occasional whispers were now constant shouts as I struggled to reconcile what I heard and saw in my leader with what I knew to be true of God and the gospel.
Looking back years later, I realize the voice of the Spirit never left. Rather, I ignored the whisper of the Spirit by failing to cultivate my relationship with God and setting aside the time to properly listen. The struggle to reconcile my leader’s actions with the gospel was causing me internal stress, tearing at my relationships. Fortunately for me, the shout of the Spirit won out in my life, but those ten years caused devastating damage to my family and to my church community.
If you hear the whisper of the Spirit when a leader attempts to stand between you and your relationship with God, listen. Seek out scripture and fellow believers to determine what is true. Just as David described in Psalm 119:105, “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path”, the Lord will provide a light to guide your path back to Him.
God gave the Israelites their greatest king in David, but ironically, the monumental lasting impact from the life of David isn’t the great nation he helped build, but the words he wrote in the Psalms that depict a man constantly striving to hear from and obey the Lord. We won’t all become great leaders, but as children of God we can have the same relationship with Him as David, a man after God’s own heart.